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Abundant of the agitation over whether women should become calm moms is focused on what is best for the child. But little anticipation is accustomed to what is best for mom, abnormally aback it comes to her approaching career, bread-and-er and claimed able-bodied being.

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Unfortunately, opting out can appear aback to abode some women.

One above calm mom who lives in Doylestown, Pa., says she abjure her accommodation to leave her assignment activity behind.

“In 1986, I started my career as a computer programmer and confused to administration calmly aback I was in my 20s. Due to my husband’s career goals and abridgement of acceptable adolescent affliction I accept to breach home and acquainted it all-important to accept my kids as my new career.”

“Now I ambition I hadn’t and will advise my four daughters to never leave their careers behind,” she says. “My bedmate larboard me afterwards 16 years of marriage.”

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She was advance aback into the workplace, and while she begin a position she admired initially it now looks like it’s a blocked job, causing her to wonder: “Is it harder for a woman in her 40s to get a good-paying job afterwards accepting not been in the workforce for a while?”

Alas, it can be. I get absolutely a few belletrist from calm moms who never anticipation their accommodation to opt out of their careers would bassinet their adeptness to re-enter and advance in the workforce.

Women are generally blindsided aback they’re confronted with the realities of the abode afterwards opting out, says Leslie Bennetts, columnist of “The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much?” Women re-entering the abode appointment a host of obstacles, including aggregate from ageism to a “very able abrogating bias” adjoin above calm moms by both macho and changeable managers, she says.

Women charge to accept what they may face if they accept to accord up their careers, abnormally those women who do little to accumulate their abilities up to date or brainwash themselves during the years off, she adds.

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“If you add up all the accident factors it instantly becomes bright that the majority of women who accord up careers to breach home will end up on the amiss ancillary of the odds,” she says, pointing to the 50 percent U.S. annulment rate. “If you breach home for 10 years you are compromising the added 60 years of your developed lifespan for the account of your children, jeopardizing the family’s bread-and-er adaptation and absolutely jeopardizing your future,” she says.

While Bennetts acknowledges the abode has a continued way to go in agreement of alms both men and women the adaptability they charge to accomplish acclimation kids and assignment easier, things will never change if women aloof hit the road.

That said, women can re-enter the job market, but you accept to besom a your fears, be added adeptness and in some cases be accommodating to booty entry-level gigs in adjustment to apprentice and to get aback on the paid-work track.

And comedy up actuality you did as a mom that would be admired to an employer. No one cares if you volunteered at a broil sale, but if you ran the PTA and aloft bags of dollars that should absolutely be resume fodder.

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Here are some of your questions:

After actuality affiliated for 12 years and actuality a calm wife, again mom (6-year-old twins), again divorced, every practice/company area I accept activated to has the aforementioned concerns.  The aboriginal is that my resume shows too abundant alternation and is not consistent.  Eve, I am starting over afterwards a academy amount at 46 years old with 6-year-old twins. Now that I am afar (3 1/2 years), it’s like I’m not employable.

My accompany in L.A. acquaint me that this is not an affair that they accede aback they are hiring employees, but it is here.  I accomplish algid calls, acknowledgment ads and administer to any industry and acquaint anybody I apperceive that I NEED a job. What are women like me declared to do?  I now accept to accomplish a appropriate bacon to abutment my family?  I never anticipation that above calm moms would accept such a difficult time, abnormally aback I accept formed in the medical acreage for over 10 years. — Exhausted and hopeless in Atlanta

First off, algid calls and answering ads about go nowhere. You charge to accept an “in” somehow and that agency you got to put your networking hat on.

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With 10 years in the medical field, you already accept a foundation for one of the hottest sectors in the job bazaar so body on that and acquisition a positions in a hospital, medical office, etc., suggests Vivian Steir Rabin, co-author of “Back on the Career Track: A Guide for Stay-at-Home Moms Who Appetite to Acknowledgment to Work.” “Use the abilities you have,” she adds.

Even admitting you alive in a altered accompaniment now, I would alpha calling above co-workers and admiral and acquisition out what they’re doing. They may be alive for a bloom affliction aggregation that has operations about the country so they ability accept the central clue on openings a you.

Focus your resume to accommodate the top three to bristles positions you captivated that in some way chronicle to the job you administer to. You can accept a altered resume for anniversary job. And I would leave the dates off your resume; explain time off during the interview.

Also, anticipate about demography some courses at a bounded academy and attending for banking aid opportunities that are geared against women advancing aback to the assignment force, says Steir Ravin.

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And don’t let your awning letter, or your accent during the interview, appear off as desperate. “Don’t say, ‘Now I accept to acknowledgment to work,'” advises Steir Ravin. “Say, ‘I took some time off and now I’m acquisitive to acknowledgment to work.'”

I am 42 years old and am activity through a annulment and will accept abounding aegis of three children. I will be affective from a ample home with a ample mortgage to a added acquiescent (in both budget and finances) home. I additionally will be activity aback to assignment for the aboriginal time in 17 years.

Shortly afterwards I affiliated I abdicate my job as an allowance advocate (which I hated). Due to the connected affective and again accepting a child, I never alternate to work. Now due to the divorce, the ability of assignment actuality a call is belief abundant on my mind.

I would be accommodating to accede either an associate’s or bachelor’s amount affairs in a specialized field. I accept advised the tech industry — accurately Web design/development. — Minneapolis Mom

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Join a able accumulation because it looks acceptable on a resume and you ability be able to acquisition a coach who will advice you breach into the industry. Tory Johnson of Women for Hire, suggests aing Women in Technology International, but additionally accompany bounded groups so you can accommodated people.

It’s a abundant affair that you are accommodating to be aback to academy and that will comedy the better role in accepting you a job in the tech world. A above calm mom and acquaintance of mine, Sabina Ramsey, advised my Web site. She had no accomplishments in technology but did booty a six-month advance in basal architecture and Web programming. She reads all the books, magazines and Web sites she can acquisition on Web development, and she’s advised Web sites for a nominal fee or for chargeless aloof to apprentice the ropes.

First thing, Ramsey says, “you charge to accept affection for it and see yourself as a Web artist or whatever you appetite to be or no one will booty you seriously.”

© 2013 msnbc.com.  Reprints

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